Backwards

It is 3:31 am as I write my first draft of this post. It’s been a long night with the kids. Furthermore, it’s been a long night with my worries. My husband is sleeping (I think….hopefully at least one of us is sleeping anyway) in my son’s room to keep him in bed, and I’m not used to being separated from his comforting presence at this hour. The first wave of worries runs through my head: what if the house burns down? What if there’s a break-in? Did I lock the door?

The first wave is followed shortly by another, more persistent tide of worries. The kind of worries that consume a heart in the cold hours before dawn, leaving the mind with images of being alone and starving, bereft and afraid, undone.

Does it really take this much worry before I will turn to the Scriptures? How deaf I have become to the earlier, quieter warnings, the gentler leadings to some time immersed in God’s great comfort. But I’m grateful for this appointment God has made with me. One He is clearly determined we keep.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Matthew 6:25-34 (emphasis mine)

So I’ve been doing things backwards. Thinking I might work things out on my own, I’ve been intending to seek Him next. Seek Him now, don’t worry so much, trust Him to take care of all the things He knows my family and I need. Sounds like a good deal. Wonder why it’s taken me so long to take Him up on it.

It’s 6pm as I finish drafting this post, and despite being exhausted for lack of sleep, I am so grateful God and I had that little talk. Must remember to keep my appointments with Him.

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